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Online Dating Safety Advice - 12 Top Tips To Meeting Someone For The First Time |
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As with anything in life there are risks involved with meeting people, both online and offline. This guide is aimed at helping you to minimise those risks when you have met someone online and you are thinking of meeting them in person for the first time. |
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Appearances can be deceptive – either deliberately or accidentally.
There is a saying that the camera never lies. Unfortunately though people do and time can make a liar of us all. It’s important to remember that a photograph may not always be a true likeness of a person – it may have been taken a long time ago or it may have been doctored using graphic design software. Before you agree to meet someone ask him or her if their photo is a good likeness of them as they are now and ask them how recently it was taken. This will give you a good idea of how honest they are – when you do actually meet them you will be able to tell for yourself.
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Be honest but don’t always assume other people are.
Whatever you post in your profile and whatever you say to someone whilst chatting online should be as honest as possible, but just because you are being straight with someone doesn’t mean they are being totally honest with you. We don’t want you to be cynical and mistrusting but it is good policy to take what people say with a pinch of salt until you really get to know them properly.
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Guard your personal details.
You should never give out personal details online and when you do meet someone in person you should only tell them what they really need to know until you know you can trust them. There is no reason why someone you meet for the first time should need to know where you work, your address, your surname, date of birth etc. Keep this information to yourself. If the person you are meeting asks you something that you don’t feel comfortable answering (like where you live) just tell them that you would rather not say at the moment. If they are not prepared to respect your wishes and try to persuade you or intimidate you into telling them you should end the meeting straight away. When you are arranging to meet for the first time it is often a good idea to talk to them on the phone first (use a public phone if possible). When you are ready to swap personal phone numbers tell them that you don’t accept calls from withheld numbers – that way you will know when they are calling and you can bar their calls if things turn sour.
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Go with a friend for the first meeting.
If at all possible you should take a friend along to the first meeting and explain to the person you are meeting that this is what you will be doing. If you don’t want to take a friend with you, you could ask a friend to remain close by so he or she can keep an eye on you. An example of this would be having coffee with the person you are meeting in a shopping mall whilst a friend of yours keeps a casual watch from a nearby shop. If you don’t want any of your friends or family to come with you on your ‘date’ you should at least make sure that you tell one of them where you are going. Ask them to text you or call you during your date to make sure you are ok. Tell them before the date what they should do if you don’t answer – that could be to tell your parents or inform the police.
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If you can't take a friend, inform someone else.
If you are planning to meet someone and there are no friends or family you can tell (or maybe you don’t want to tell), there are services available whereby you can pay for someone to check up on you. One service available in the UK is Keep Yourself Safe (www.keepyourselfsafe.com). What you do is tell them when and where you are going, and they will call you or text you to make sure you are ok. If you don’t respond within 15 minutes they raise the alarm and call your emergency contact.
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Always meet in a public place.
Make sure that your first meeting is in a public place where there are lots of people around. That way you can call for help more easily if you should need to.
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Don’t allow the person you are meeting to pick you up.
Make your own way to the meeting place and make your own way home afterwards. Don’t let them walk you back to your car – if they follow you, go somewhere where there are plenty of people and either phone for or hail a taxi. You can always collect your car another time.
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Meet during the day or early evening.
Remember there is safety in numbers. It is much better if your first meeting can be made when there are plenty of people around. Remember you are more vulnerable late at night – taxis are more difficult to come by and there are less people around who would be willing or able to help if you should run into difficulty.
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Stay sober.
By all means have fun on your date and have a drink if it helps you to relax but you should try to remain as sober and alert as possible. If at all possible try not to drink alcohol on your first meeting – that way you stand more chance of staying in control. If you do meet for a drink and you need to go to the toilet, don’t leave your drink unattended – finish it first or order a fresh one when you return. Similarly you should not leave any personal belongings such as a coat or handbag unattended – take them with you.
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Remember to take your mobile phone with you just in case you need to call for help.
If your date behaves in a threatening or abusive manner you should report this straight away to the police.
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Be patient and trust your instincts.
We really hope you meet the love of your life – if you do, that’s great! But be patient and take things slowly. Don’t rush into a relationship with someone and don’t let them rush you. If they are the right one for you they will be prepared to take things at a slower pace so you can both get to know each other properly.
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Don’t get drawn in to sob stories or tales of hardship.
If your date keeps talking about how difficult life is for them, about their worries or money problems, don’t get sucked into thinking that you should be giving them the solutions. You are there to meet an interesting person, not to do charity work. Similarly, don’t be fooled by tales of extravagance – hopefully your date will be comfortably well-off financially but just remember that most people you are likely to meet online are unlikely to drive sports cars, have their own private yachts or live in large mansions with private swimming pools and jacuzzis! Take care & Happy Pig or Poking!
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